A husband's first night(mare)

Like other men I was virgin I didn’t experience sex before marriage. You all know marriage ceremonies and rituals go on and on for few Days and nights due to which I couldn’t have sufficient sleep as there were very crucial rituals before tying the knot. All these rituals made me and my partner tired, getting blessings from the elders by getting down and touching the feet our spine and back had gone for a toss. After a daylong rituals we retired to our first night room in my in-laws house by 9pm, we sat on the bed side by side had general conversation slowly getting to know each other for about an hour .

I told her that “I am very much tired and didn’t have sufficient sleep for a week due to wedding arrangements and rituals”. She made fussy face, I told her I was not in mood , argument went on for a while finally she told that she will let me sleep if I lift her and made her lay on the bed I had no other choice I had to lift her like a baby in my arms and rolled on the bed I did that in-spite of my sore back paint and went to sleep and I slept like a dead log wood. In my deep sleep I could feel someone waking me up very harshly as if to wake up a dead body, I woke up in a shock thinking that I had over slept and looked at the wall clock it was still 11pm before I could realize anything wife in a violent husky voice demanded to have sex with her and she already had undressed herself and  told she can’t control her urge and she is in a strong mood to have wild sex, saying this she advanced at me before I could speak and resist her , she tried to kiss me and forced to have intercourse I resisted as much I could but she cried , screamed wildly and become more violent that was a nightmare of my life.

I couldn’t help nor save myself from her violent behavior due to her pressure and behavior I had to have sex with her ,that whole night she reached multiple orgasm but I was  raped multiple times, after each orgasm she use to relax and start over again ,I don’t even remember how many times she forced herself upon me. I was in a deep shock and trauma finally by 3am she was exhausted and slept and I couldn’t sleep I was in a deep pain and feeling of being raped.

Next day morning while bathing I could feel burning sensation on my neck, upper back, both the shoulders and on left arm I saw a deep scratches and bruises on other arm, after bath I made sure to cover all these wound, scratches and bruises, maximum I tried to cover-up but few places where exposed which were noticed by others I couldn’t have proper eye contact with my parents unfortunately they understood that I was been raped by her.

In spite of all this she always made fun of me and claimed that I don’t have stamina always made fun of my manhood, I still wonder immediately after first night how could she find the difference of stamina of a man?

 

Marriage - The Love that became just Sex

I have always felt the strong need of emotional attachment for physical intimacy with a woman. The feeling of belongingness and lots of foreplay were so essential for that deep physical bond that I always wanted.

Naturally, I looked forward with great eagerness for that much awaited moment like everyone. Although I had an arranged marriage in a very short time, we had long phone conversations which helped us feel comfortable with each other from day one.

I was deeply invested emotionally to my wife and had very fulfilling sexual experience with her from the start. Unlike the horrific tales of men with their wives that I hear today, mine was a dream story. Anybody would feel elated for having such a sexually fulfilling wife. But as they say, 'good' things are short-lived.

Within the first one-two days, several instances of my wife having cheated me with false information to secure this marriage began to surface. This was the beginning of hell for me as I felt shattered for the thought of spending the rest of my life who was not only a liar but also was not qualified for the basic qualities I wanted in my life partner. From then on sex was nothing more than fulfilling my physical need and also a silent way of venting out my anger, despair and frustration.

While my wife had 'body pain' all throughout the day every single day for cooking and the little household work (which I shared equally, if not more) she was demanding about sex all the time. 

She was abusive, uncaring and scheming in various ways which also extended to our sexual life. Shortly after marriage I went down with continuous high fever for several days where I couldn't sleep or eat. But even in such condition, she was more interested in her physical needs than caring for my ailment. I was so heart-broken and angered that I wanted to kick her out of bed. But all I did was lay back silently and shiver the whole night while she slept comfortably.

She started creating big issues since then, and the doom in our relationship was sealed. Sex was just a mechanical exercise after that to meet her physical needs and a lame feeling for me that if she is good for nothing else, at least get some use of this crook in my life.

I have never shared this sentiment and thought with anyone before now because not only does it sound very cheap, but it is also not true of the person that I am. I felt trapped in utter helplessness and despair (my family did not support me to find strength).

This one experience has made me realize how women are seldom caring or sensitive towards their male sexual partners, and just want to use them (or deprive them) sexually. They use sex to manipulate and exploit men. I don't think I can have a truly fulfilling physical relationship with any woman other than just superficial physical gratification (if at all) after realizing this harsh reality.

Saga of a sexually abused husband

Mine was an arranged marriage as per Indian tradition. During our courtship period, my would be wife discussed about her fancy of “first night”. I asked her, are you willing to consummate our marriage on first night itself else we can plan it later when she is comfortable with? Her instant response was I want to consummate it on the day of wedding itself. Just a day before wedding she confirmed it again.

For our wedding night she has done all preparations from her end but as I proceed towards her, she u turned from her statement. She said am afraid of the pain,( pain was an inevitable processes, she was aware about it)I told it’s fine, we can  try one more time, in case you are not comfortable we can stop it. But our second attempt was unsuccessful as well, then I told her when you are comfortable with it we can consummate our marriage. She agreed to it.

The Headache of Lifetime

Marriage ceremonies in India are tiring. And given the traditional upbringing, most men do not experience sex before marriage. Same was the case with me. Everybody around me (relatives and friends) had created so much hype about sex that more than the fun part, I was curious to know how it feels. I guess, the same was my wife's condition too. So, after we retired into our honeymoon suite after all the rites and rituals, we both literally bumped into each other but nothing substantial happened as we were both tired and just slept. The following day again began with a round of getting down to touch the feet of elders across the town and it was too exhausting. 

The same night she insisted. I was tired but tried. But it couldn't happen and I had to leave it mid-way. What she told me the next day shocked me.

"Don't ever do it to me. I get headaches"